You are listening to the Less Drama More Mama podcast, episode 335: Why Big Changes Don’t Stick (And What Actually Works for Moms)
This is Less Drama More Mama, the podcast for moms who want to feel calm, in control, and confident about how to handle anything life throws their way. If you’re ready to go from feeling frazzled and disrespected to feeling calm and connected, this is the podcast for you. I’m your host, Pam Howard.
Hey there, and welcome back to the podcast! It’s January, 2025, and I bet your Instagram feed is full of moms making big, sweeping changes. Maybe you’ve promised yourself that this year will be different. You’ll finally get organized by getting rid of 50% of your belongings and living a more minimalist life. Or you’ll stick to a new food plan that involves cutting out all dairy, gluten, sugar, and caffeine. Or you’ll stop losing your patience with your kids and stop yelling at them. And listen, I’m all about constantly evolving and growing, so if you have big goals for yourself this year, I think that’s great. But you know what? Those massive changes rarely stick. According to the Forbes Health Survey on New Year’s Resolutions for 2024, only 22% of the respondents followed their resolution by the end of three months and only 2% were still following them by the end of seven months. These numbers are typical from year to year, and they don’t reflect people not trying hard or not caring enough. The problem is their approach.
What I teach—and what we’re diving into today—is that real change doesn’t come from massive overhauls. It comes from understanding why you behave the way you do, what’s getting in the way of you behaving differently, getting clear on what truly matters, and making small, intentional shifts in that direction. When you try to change everything all at once, your brain basically hits the panic button, even if the changes are positive ones. Your brain craves predictability, and too much change at once feels threatening. So, that’s why you might start strong, but quickly find yourself reverting to old habits. On top of that, a lot of these big changes are driven by the idea that if we just fixed our circumstances, we’d finally feel better. But remember, it’s not your circumstances that create your feelings. It’s your thoughts about those circumstances. For example, you might think, ‘If my house were more organized, I’d feel calm and in control.’ That belief might drive you to take action—maybe you’d spend an entire weekend cleaning, de-cluttering, and organizing. And for a little while, you would feel better because the action changed your thoughts about your circumstances. But to maintain that organized home, you’d need to maintain new thoughts—like, ‘I’m an organized person,’ or, ‘Staying organized is easy and worthwhile.’ Without those new thoughts, your old beliefs, ‘I’m so disorganized,’ ‘this is so hard’ creep back in, creating feelings of frustration or defeat when the mess inevitably returns. Those feelings lead to actions like ignoring clutter or falling back into old habits, which ultimately recreate the same disorganized environment you were trying to improve.
Here’s another example. You decide you’re going to stop yelling at your kids and be a calmer, more patient mom. You start the year with all the best intentions, and for the first few days, you manage to hold it together. But if you haven’t worked on the thoughts that created your anger or impatience, the stress of daily life will eventually bring you back to that same place. If your underlying thoughts are, ‘My kids never listen,’ or ‘I can’t handle this chaos,’ you’ll keep feeling frustrated, and your brain will revert to yelling because that’s what it knows. Sustainable change would come from shifting those thoughts to ones like, ‘My kids are learning how to listen,’ or, ‘I’m capable of staying calm even when things feel chaotic.’ When you think that way, you’ll feel more patient, and that patience will drive you to respond calmly instead of yelling. Over time, your kids’ behavior may even improve, but what’s most important is that you’re showing up as the mom you want to be.
This idea applies to so many areas of life. Trying to stick to a strict diet? If your thoughts are, ‘This is too restrictive,’ or ‘I’ll never be able to sustain this,’ you’ll sabotage yourself no matter how motivated you are at the start. But if you focus on thoughts like, ‘I’m someone who prioritizes her health,’ or, ‘Eating this way makes me feel good,’ you’ll approach your choices from a place of empowerment rather than deprivation. If you want to stop constantly scrolling on your phone and be more present with your kids, you might set a goal to put your phone away during dinner or playtime, and for the first week, it might go well. But if your underlying thoughts are, ‘I deserve a break’ or ‘Looking at my phone helps me unwind,’ it’ll be hard to sustain that new behavior. Instead, shifting your mindset to, ‘Connecting with my kids recharges me more than my phone does’ or ‘I’m creating memories that matter’ can help you feel more motivated and aligned with your actions.
So, instead of trying to change everything at once, we need to slow down and get intentional. What’s one change that would make a real difference in your life right now? Why does it matter to you? When you make that change, how do you think you’ll feel? How will you be thinking differently than you are right now? These are the types of questions we’ll explore in my upcoming workshop on January 15 called, ‘Mama Needs a Reset.’ Whether you’re trying to get organized, change your eating habits, or become a calmer mom, we’ll identify one change you want to make this year – not because you think you should, but because it really matters to you – and I’ll help you create a plan for achieving it and making the change stick. You can register at lessdramamoremama.com/reset. I hope to see you there! Thank you so much for listening to today’s episode, and I’ll talk to you again next week! Bye!
If you enjoy listening to this podcast, and you’re ready to feel calmer, more confident and more at peace in your family and life, I invite you to sign up for a free consultation with me to learn about how my coaching can help you achieve the exact life you want. You’ll take the concepts and tools I share in the podcast and apply them to your own life, and as your coach I’ll be there to support you every step of the way. Go to lessdramamoremama.com/mini and sign up now.
