You are listening to the Less Drama More Mama podcast, episode 389: The Relief of Speaking Your Truth as a Mother
This is Less Drama More Mama, the podcast for moms who want to feel calm, in control, and confident about how to handle anything life throws their way. If you’re ready to go from feeling frazzled and disrespected to feeling calm and connected, this is the podcast for you. I’m your host, Pam Howard.
Hi Mama. Welcome back to the podcast. I want to start with a quick thank you. Spotify recently released their “Wrapped” data for podcasters, and I found out that 30 people had this podcast as their number one show in 2025. Now, that might not sound like a lot to you, but for a small business owner like me, it’s incredibly meaningful. And if you’re one of the 30, please reach out and let me know. I’d love to personally thank you for listening, for sharing these episodes with other moms, and for letting me be a part of your life. If this podcast has been helpful to you, I’d be so grateful if you’d take a minute to leave a rating and review on Apple Podcasts, Spotify, or wherever you listen to your episodes. It’s one of the best ways to help other moms find the show and get the support they’re seeking. Alright, let’s get into today’s episode.
What I’m about to share might make you uncomfortable. It might make you want to skip this episode. But if you stay with me, you may feel less alone in thoughts you’ve been carrying by yourself. If you’ve ever had a thought about your child that made you feel like the worst mother in the world, a thought you’d never say out loud, one that sits in your chest like a stone – this episode is for you. You’re not the only one having these thoughts. And the shame you feel about them is keeping you isolated, convinced you’re the only terrible mother who feels this way, when what you actually need is self-compassion and understanding for where you are right now.
I’ve had two coaching sessions recently where moms confessed things to me. One said, “Sometimes I wish I could give my child away.” I want to pause there for a second, because even hearing that can make your chest tighten. Another said, “I can’t wait for my child to go back to school.” And the moment these words left their mouths, I saw the shame wash over them. Then I watched as they laughed nervously, rushed to their next sentence, or say, “but I know I need to be grateful for the good times.” I interrupted them and told them to slow down. I wasn’t going to let them rush past those important statements. I asked them to sit with their truth. To notice what was happening in their bodies. Not to fix it or explain it away. Just to be with it.
Maybe your version sounds different. Maybe you think, “I don’t like my kid right now.” “I regret this.” Or, “Sometimes I fantasize about just disappearing.” These thoughts feel so dangerous because they contradict everything we think we’re supposed to feel as mothers. We think we’re supposed to be grateful. Self-sacrificing. We’re supposed to say, “I’d do anything for my kids,” and mean it every single second of every single day. So when a thought shows up that doesn’t fit that narrative, we assume something is deeply wrong with us.
Here’s what I want you to hear: These thoughts are your truth in this moment. And that matters. You might not feel loving toward your child right now. You might genuinely want space from them. You might be counting down the hours until bedtime or the days until school starts. That’s okay. You don’t need to rush to soften it, justify it, or explain it away. I’ve had these thoughts, too. Over the years, I’ve thought, “I can’t stand her.” “I just want to run away.” “I can’t deal with this.” And “I can’t wait to be alone.” These thoughts represent moments in time. Not the entirety of my relationship with my daughters. They’re not the full story of who I am as a mom. What they are is information. They tell me something important about my capacity in that moment, not about my character as a mother. They’re my nervous system waving a giant red flag saying,: “You are maxed out. You have nothing left. You’re in survival mode.”
Brené Brown says that shame can’t survive being spoken. And I see this play out every single week with the moms I work with. When we keep these thoughts locked inside, they fester. They convince us we’re the only ones. They tell us we’re terrible mothers. But when we say them out loud, to someone who won’t judge us, who won’t try to fix us or talk us out of what we’re feeling, something shifts. This is why it matters to have people in your life who are safe enough to hear your truth. Not people who rush in with, “Oh, you don’t really mean that,” or “But you’re such a good mom.” People who can hear your hard truths without making them about themselves or trying to make you feel better.
Your friends and family are often well-meaning, but many of them aren’t equipped to hold this without trying to fix it. They want to reassure you. And sometimes that reassurance is exactly what keeps you from letting yourself feel what’s true for you. There are many ways to do this. With a therapist. A coach. Or even one safe person who can hold your truth without trying to fix it. Damn Good Mama is the space I’ve created for this kind of honesty. Where you can say the thing you’re most afraid to say and have someone respond with, “I see you. I’m here for you.”
When you’re regulated enough to look underneath these thoughts, there’s usually so much sadness. As you listen, notice which one of these feels most familiar to you. Grief about the motherhood you imagined versus the reality you’re living. Sadness about your capacity and your limits. Loneliness of feeling like everyone else has it together while you’re barely holding on. Resentment that’s never been acknowledged. About how much you’ve given, how invisible you feel, how little support you have. And loss. Of your former identity. Your former life. The person you were before you became “mom.” All of that can live underneath, “I wish I could give them away.”
And that sadness needs to be felt. You can’t think your way out of it. I know you want to. I know it feels safer to stay in your head, analyzing and trying to make sense of it all. But the work of actually moving through these feelings happens in your body, not in your mind. So what does it look like to sit with sadness? It’s usually much simpler than we expect. You might notice sensations in your body, like a tightness in your throat, a clenching in your jaw, or a heaviness in your chest. And you might also notice a part of you that wants to get away from it. That wants to distract, to fix, or make it stop. That’s normal. For a moment, you can just let the sadness be there. In the beginning, you might only have the capacity to sit with it for four seconds. Maybe the next time, you sit with it for five seconds. Each time you let yourself sit with it, you increase your capacity to hold it. And when it moves through, you’ll often feel a little calmer. A little more grounded. You may notice your breath deepen on its own.
As I said before, it’s often easier to learn to do this with the support of a coach or therapist who can help you stay with the feeling instead of running from it. And when you can actually feel your feelings instead of just thinking about them, you start to understand something important. You can need space from your kids AND still love them. You can be completely depleted AND still be doing the best you can. You can have hard, scary thoughts AND still be a good mom. Both things can be true at the same time.
If you’ve had these thoughts, you might think you’re the only one. You’re not. And you don’t have to struggle alone. If you’re wanting support with this, Damn Good Mama is a six-month group space where you can speak your truth and be seen and supported. You can learn more and apply at lessdramamoremama.com. There can be a lot of relief in speaking your truth. I’ll talk with you again next week. Bye.
If you enjoy listening to this podcast, and you’re ready to feel calmer, more confident and more at peace in your family and life, I invite you to sign up for a free consultation with me to learn about how my coaching can help you achieve the exact life you want. You’ll take the concepts and tools I share in the podcast and apply them to your own life, and as your coach I’ll be there to support you every step of the way. Go to lessdramamoremama.com/mini and sign up now.
