You are listening to the Less Drama More Mama podcast, episode 339: Wait-and-See Parenting: When Doing Nothing Is the Best Move
This is Less Drama More Mama, the podcast for moms who want to feel calm, in control, and confident about how to handle anything life throws their way. If you’re ready to go from feeling frazzled and disrespected to feeling calm and connected, this is the podcast for you. I’m your host, Pam Howard.
Hi Mama! Welcome back to the show and happy February. When was the last time you cried in front of another mom and didn’t immediately apologize for being too emotional? When did you last share your parenting struggles without first saying “I know this sounds terrible, but…”? How long has it been since you let your guard down completely with a friend, showing them the unfiltered reality of your life? For most of us, these moments are rare. Somewhere along the way, we absorbed the message that being real means being a burden. In my upcoming workshop on Thursday, February 13 called Seen, Safe, and Supported: How to Build Meaningful Mom Friendships That Make Your Life Better, we’re going to change this story. You’ll discover how to create connections where you don’t need a disclaimer before sharing your truth. Where saying “I’m struggling” isn’t met with toxic positivity, but with genuine understanding. Where you can show up as your full, complex, sometimes-messy self and not just feel accepted, but truly seen.
In this workshop, I’ll show you how to move beyond the surface-level chatter about kids’ activities and into real conversations that feed your soul, build relationships that feel safe, and find the confidence to be imperfect and let your guard down so real connections can happen. If you’re ready to stop pretending everything’s fine and start connecting in a way that actually feels deep and authentic, this workshop is for you. You’re not alone in wanting more. Every mom I know craves these deeper connections. They just don’t know how to bridge the gap. You deserve friendships where you don’t have to put on a mask—where you can vent, laugh, and feel supported no matter what you’re going through. Save your seat at lessdramamoremama.com/galentine I can’t wait to help you build those deep connections that will make motherhood feel less lonely and more meaningful.
Now, onto today’s topic, which was inspired by some tech issues I had at home. A few weeks ago, my home phone stopped working. Yes, I’m one of the few people who still has a landline. But suddenly there was no dial tone and no clear reason why. All the handsets were on their charging stations. I tried calling Xfinity from my cell phone, but was told that the estimated hold time was longer than the amount of time I had, so I hung up. Around that same time, my house alarm wouldn’t arm properly, and every time I wanted to turn it on, I needed to bypass my bedroom zone. This had happened before when somehow my bedroom window wasn’t closed all the way, so I checked all the windows and it still didn’t work. So, I just dealt with these issues. I used my cell phone instead of my landline when I was home and I bypassed the bedroom alarm every day. And then, after a couple of weeks both started working again. No technician, no more effort on my part. Just…fixed! And it got me thinking about how often we as moms feel like we have to jump in and solve every little problem for our kids right away. We want to prevent them from struggling, smooth things over, and make life easier for them. But what if some of these things—just like my phone and alarm—would work themselves out if we gave them time? What if some challenges don’t actually need us to intervene at all? Today, we’re talking about the things in parenting that don’t need fixing. The things we stress about, only to find out later that they resolved themselves. We’ll also talk about how to know when to wait and when to take action, because of course, some things do need our help. But more often than we realize, stepping back is actually the best move.
Let’s start with some common parenting concerns that tend to fix themselves over time. These are things that stress moms out in the moment, but if we zoom out, we can see that they usually work out without much intervention. The first is school struggles. A mom I worked with once was really stressed because her fourth grader was suddenly struggling in math. He was getting low grades on quizzes, feeling frustrated, and saying things like “I’m just bad at math.” The mom’s first instinct was to hire a tutor immediately, sit with him every night to go over homework, and basically make sure he didn’t fall behind. But instead, we talked about giving it time, offering encouragement without pressure, and seeing if her son could work through it on his own first. Sure enough, a few weeks later, something clicked. He started understanding the material better, his grades improved, and he felt more confident. No major intervention, just patience. Kids go through ups and downs academically, and while some struggles do need support, others are just temporary dips that work themselves out.
The second area is friend drama. Friendships are constantly shifting. One month, your child has a best friend they do everything with, and the next, they barely talk. It can be heartbreaking to watch, and our instinct is to jump in by giving advice, reaching out to the other parent, and doing something to make it better. But often, if we wait, the friendships either repair themselves, or our kids naturally move on and find new ones. I’ve seen this countless times with my own kids and with my clients’ kids. One mom was so worried when her daughter started sitting alone at lunch after a fallout with her friend group. She wanted to email the teacher, set up playdates, and help her navigate it. But instead, she waited. And within a couple of weeks, she found a new group of friends. It was hard to watch, but ultimately, she figured it out without the mom forcing it.
The third area is procrastination and responsibility battles. If you have a kid who waits until the last minute to do school projects, doesn’t want to clean their room, or generally drags their feet on responsibility, it’s tempting to try to get them to change by enforcing all kinds of consequences. But I’ve seen so many parents panic about a child’s lack of responsibility, only to realize later that their child grew into it naturally. One mom told me her middle schooler never planned ahead, left projects to the last minute, and was just so disorganized. She worried that he’d never be able to manage things on his own. But as he got older, he started figuring it out. Not perfectly, but he learned from the stress of rushing and gradually became more proactive. She didn’t have to lecture or micromanage. He just matured into it. And I’ve had the same experience with my kids.
The last area is sibling fights. One of my clients has been exhausted from playing referee between her kids. Every little argument, she felt like she had to jump in and make sure everything was fair. But when we talked about it, she realized she was actually making their fights worse. Every time that she intervened, they looked to her to decide who was right and who was wrong, rather than learning to navigate it themselves. So just last week, she shared that when she heard them fighting, instead of rushing in, she told herself, “Siblings fight. They’ll figure this out.” And sure enough, they did. And that’s the difference between a mom who worries and stresses over every little thing and a mom who’s calm and confident when her kids struggle. It’s not that she doesn’t care. It’s that she’s thinking different thoughts. For example, she knows that just because something is hard today doesn’t mean it will always be hard. She sees her child as capable, not fragile, knows they can handle challenges and that struggling is part of developing confidence and competence. She focuses on the big picture. She doesn’t let one bad grade, one fight, or one phase define her child’s future. She zooms out and reminds herself, “This is just a moment, not a forever problem.” She manages her own discomfort. She notices when she feels anxious about her child’s struggles, but instead of rushing to fix it, she sits with that feeling and reminds herself that her child’s growth isn’t about her ability to control the outcome—it’s about that child’s ability to figure things out. And she knows when to intervene and when to wait. She’s not passive or disengaged, she’s intentional. She asks herself, “Is this a real problem, or just an uncomfortable moment? Does my child truly need my help, or do I just feel like I should be doing something?” And she acts accordingly. When you shift into this mindset, parenting feels lighter. You’re no longer carrying the weight of every little problem on your shoulders. You realize that not everything is yours to fix, and that is a game-changer.
So why do we feel such a strong urge to fix things immediately? Why is it so hard to just wait? Well, watching your child struggle, even in small ways, can feel unbearable. We want to make things better now so we don’t have to feel uncomfortable. We worry that if we don’t step in, other parents or family members will think we’re neglectful or not doing enough. There’s societal pressure to be on top of everything and an expectation that “good moms” anticipate problems and fix them before they get worse. And, if we grew up with parents who were either too hands-off or overly controlling, we might overcorrect in one direction or the other. But the truth is, constantly stepping in doesn’t actually prevent problems—it often creates more of them. It teaches kids to look to us for every solution, rather than developing confidence in their own ability to figure things out.
Now, obviously, not everything will just resolve on its own. So how do you know when to wait and when to step in? Here are a few key questions to ask yourself: Number 1, Is this just a phase? Your child has suddenly become obsessed with a certain video game. They’re playing it all the time, talking about it nonstop, and even losing track of time when they’re engrossed in it. At first, you’re concerned this might be a problem, but then you remember that many kids go through phases of intense interest in certain things. Instead of restricting the game immediately, you decide to let them enjoy it for a while, trusting they’ll eventually grow bored or move on to something else. If the obsession starts to negatively affect other areas of their life, like neglecting schoolwork, socializing, or their health, then it would be time to set limits or help them find balance.
Number 2, Is this causing significant distress? Your child is having small disagreements with friends at school, like most kids do. They come home upset every day, but over time, they process the conflicts themselves and seem to move on. Rather than stepping in right away, you observe that they’re learning how to navigate friendship dynamics independently. If the distress continues for a long time, affecting their emotional well-being and making them anxious to go to school, or if the conflict escalates, you would intervene by talking to the teacher or finding ways to support their social skills.
Number 3, Is this something they can figure out, or do they truly need help? Your child has been struggling with their schoolwork for a few weeks now. They get frustrated with assignments and often procrastinate, but they’re not asking for help. You’ve given them space to manage it on their own, assuming they’ll figure it out, but after a few weeks of continued frustration, you notice they’re falling behind in their grades and feeling increasingly stressed. Since the issue has persisted over time and the stress is affecting their overall well-being, it’s clear they need support. You might step in by helping them create a more structured study routine or seeking additional help like a tutor or learning strategies to address the root cause.
Number 4, What happens if I do nothing? Your child is having a tough time going to bed at night and is trying to stall by asking for more stories or snacks. At first, you might feel the urge to immediately correct this behavior, but instead, you decide to hold your boundary and calmly remind them of the bedtime routine, letting them handle their own resistance. Over time, they begin to adjust and follow the routine. If the stalling continues and your child is still struggling after a few weeks or months, it may be time to step in. You can help by setting clearer boundaries, offering more consistency, or figuring out if something like anxiety is making it harder for them to settle down.
Before rushing to fix a situation, take a moment to consider: “Is this really a problem, or is it something that will resolve on its own with a little patience?” You might be surprised at how many things resolve themselves just like my phone and alarm system.
If you found this helpful, I’d love to hear from you. Leave a review on Apple Podcasts or share this episode with a mama friend who could benefit. And if you’re looking for more guidance in your parenting, let’s connect. Spots in March for Damn Good Mama are available, so DM me on Instagram or email me at pam@lessdramamoremama.com to get more information. And don’t forget to sign up for the workshop on February 13th. I’ll talk to you again next week. Bye!
If you enjoy listening to this podcast, and you’re ready to feel calmer, more confident and more at peace in your family and life, I invite you to sign up for a free consultation with me to learn about how my coaching can help you achieve the exact life you want. You’ll take the concepts and tools I share in the podcast and apply them to your own life, and as your coach I’ll be there to support you every step of the way. Go to lessdramamoremama.com/mini and sign up now.
